Moths
by Light1
Summary: Raziel confronts the Vampiric change for the first time. With every gift given there is a price to pay.
1. Chapter 1

**Moths**

Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal Dynamics not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Vorador . . . then he'd be mine.

Warning: this fic contains **YAOI** (GuyXGuy), blood play and a lemon, if this offends or upsets you do not read this, it's that simple.

Rating: M

Pairing: Kain/Raziel

Setting: post Blood omen 2 pre Soul Reaver one. In the time of the clans.

Authoress note: In which Raziel confronts the vampiric change for the first time.

* \/ * /\ * \/ * /\ *

**Prologue **

{Raziel}

Kain had been sleeping now for a long time. Much longer than was right, although if I was to be completely honest I would have to admit that I had no idea what 'right' really was in this situation. This was the first time I had seen someone enter torpor, and I was ignorant of its mechanisms, having only just discovered it's existence two months ago when Kain slipped into it. It had been warm when Kain first fell into the sleep but now it was starting to freeze at night. A little over two months had come and gone and Kain had not woken. I was beginning to panic. But he had given me his word that he would waken and Kain did not give his word often or lightly. So I would have to trust him. I had no other option but even so I couldn't stop the panic building in me.

So far his promise had gone unfulfilled and I waited alone with my doubts. My fears were growing the longer he remained unresponsive to me. But I reassured myself as much as I was able with the fact that he was clearly not dead, at least no more dead than he normally was. He breathed on occasion and three days ago I had woken to find that he had rolled over. It was not death, more like a sickness. It helped me if I thought of his current state as an illness rather than torpor. Kain was sick, but he would get better. It was an easy comparison to make, the torpor had all the signs of mortal sickness, at least I thought so. Before his sleep he had exhausted easily, lagging behind me when we hunted and taking every subtle opportunity to slow, stop and rest. He had started declining excursions after a few days and had taken to reducing his activities. He had stopped eating a day or so later and had started sleeping longer and longer only waking periodically. In the end I was unable to wake him at all.

Fortunately he had not left me completely blind. The last time I had been able to wake him (taking a candle holder to his head in my panic) he had told me something of torpor. It was how we grew stronger apparently. Mortals changed as a species over the generations but we, as undying, did not do so, we changed in ourselves, physically as individuals. Each of us adapting to our enviroment in our own way. We would enter the sleep and emerge stronger and on occasion with a gift.

I look out at Nosgoth from his balcony. The land is glittering, frost is settling on the merger plant life. It will be dawn soon so I turn and walk back inside. Closing the window and the drapes reminds me again of how much the weather has changed since Kain last spoke to me. We had slept that day away with the drapes closed as always but the windows had been open to let some of the cool air in. Now I locked them tightly against the damp chill and turned my back to them. Making a point not to look at the bed I went to the lounge set and dropped onto it. The pitchers i had called for sat on the table, unmoved since their delivery this morning. The pitchers were my tokens of optimism; Kain had been stirring recently so I had taken to having blood brought up. Hopeful that he would wake soon. But each night passed and he did not wake. I was going to lose my mind if he did not wake soon. Thoughts about what I would do should he never wake had been plaguing me more and more. How could I control all the clans? Kain could do so easily, he was God. I was merely his first born, a clan lord not a God. But thoughts of clans and control were not my most pressing worries, what concerned me more was what would I do for myself. How would I cope if he abandoned me? I shake myself and stand. This is foolish; I am no fledgling to cower at the thought of losing my parent. I am a clan lord of Nosgoth. I need no one to take care of me, I take care of myself and my clan. I glance at the still form on the bed and feel my stomach drop. I might not 'need' my father in the sense of a child needing protection but I still needed him. Fortunatly for me the rustle of bed sheets provides a distraction.

Kain moved, I'm sure of it. I stare at him and notice for the first time since returning from the balcony that he is breathing regularly. He has breathed since falling into torpor but only ever a single breath. Now he breathes as if he were mortal, as he normally would. I don't remember moving but I am on my knees at the side of the bed, my chin resting on the mattress, almost nose to nose, watching him. He does not move again. His breathing slows and eventually stops. I growl my disappointment and bury my head in my arms. His breathing and occassional stiring is a good sign, i remind myself while snarling at the sheets. He is stirring more and more and he will wake soon. But every time that he stirs but does not waken I feel like a child abandoned again. I sit for a few moments trying to push the disappointment down. I am not a child, I am a clan lord of Nosgoth and I should not be acting in such a manner, it is pathetic. Claws in my hair stop me breathing.

"Stop growling at the sheets," his voice is deeper than usual, slower his words slurring.

"Kain," I cannot hide the relief in my voice, it make him smile. His eyes are not focusing properly, his pupils much too large. "You're awake."


	2. Chapter 2

**Moths**

Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal Dynamics not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Vorador . . . then he'd be mine.

Warning: this fic contains **YAOI** (GuyXGuy), blood play and a lemon, if this offends or upsets you do not read this, it's that simple.

Rating: M

Pairing: Kain/Raziel

Setting: post Blood omen 2 pre Soul Reaver one. Early on in the days of the clans.

Authoress note: In which Raziel confronts the vampiric change for the first time.

* \/ * /\ * \/ * /\ *

**Chapter One**

{Kain}

"Kain," Raziel's voice is strained but the relief in his tone is unmistakeable. I blink clearing my dry eyes and he comes into focus. "You're awake," he says and I smirk at him.

"As astute as always," my voice sounds like someone elses; it is abrasive and deeper than my norm. I cough to clear my throat and find that I cannot stop. Raziel makes a small sound as I sit up abruptly and hunch over until my head touches my knees. Not my best start to the day. I cringe inwardly as his hands take a grip on my shoulders.

"Kain," the panic in Raziel's voice makes me look at him despite my body's sudden attempt to expel the soft tissue in my lungs. From looking at him I can tell that the stupid child has likley been awake during the entirety of my evolution. His eyes are bloodshot and dark bruises circle them. He is gaunt, although from glancing at my own arms he is probably not as gaunt as I must be. His hands that have moved to my back are cool and despite thier being clammy it feels pleasent even when his claws prick at my skin. My coughing subsides thankfully. My hair hangs limp and filthy in front of my eyes. I sit back and run my claws through it to lift it from my face, my hand comes away grubby. I must look like hell, no wonder he looks half mad with worry.

"Stop fussing child," my voice is starting to sound less gravely. "I'm fine, why do you..." I am cut off when he kisses me. It is sudden and unexpected. He was panicked a moment ago and now suddenly fierce. I'm starting to see what I have done to him by not explaining torpor long ago. I have made him frantic. His kiss is abrupt, hard and brief. He doesn't look at me as he pulls away, eyes fixing instead on the sheets wrapped around my legs. His expression concerns me, his eyes look wet and he is shaking.

"Raziel," my voice is still not my own and makes him flinch, so I stop talking and instead put my hand on his shoulder. The guesture is clumsy. I've never been experienced at comforting others. I have never had much need to do so. So my effort now is inept and feels faulse, even to me. I pat his shoulder and cough again feeling awkward. He looks at me and I force a weak smile, the boy is so obviously concerned so I smile in an attempt at reassurance. At least that is what I tell myself. I smile to let him know I'm ok, not because it is touching to have someone care enough about you to worry themselves into sickness. Hopefully the smile will be enough, if it is not I am going to lose patcience. I am ravenous and would much perfer to go and feed myself rather than deal with frantic fledglings.

"You're awake," his voice is thick. His movement is fast, he clambers up onto the bed and onto me. It is ungracefully done but I do not mind. He kisses me again, pressing hard against me almost knocking me down. He bites at me and growls. I let him do as he wants, and concentrate insted on not falling backwards. A long sleep with no food and no movement has left me patheticly weak. He presses harder. The mucles in my arms start to have small spasams warning me they cannot hold us both up for much longer. He must notice this as he pulls back when I start to shake. His mouth smudged with my blood. He looks worried again. My stomach starts a low rumble that increases in volume and rolls on for several moments before ending. Marvellous. Raziel looks at me in silence for a few moments before sniggering. I glare at him; I do not like being laughed at.

"You are hungry," Raziel says. I snort at him.

"I would have thought I just made that clear," my sour mood disappears when he bares his throat to me in offering. He comes in close again resting his head on my shoulder. He is foolish to offer such to me as I am. I have been starved for what must have been over a month. I could kill him easily, simply by accident. But I cannot say no to him. It will test my control but it would be abhorent to refuse such a gift when offered so trustingly. "Suicidal child," I mutter before my teeth break his skin. My entire body flushes the moment I break the skin, my instincts pressing me to bite down, to draw the blood out as hard and fast as I am able. But I am not a monster, at least not to him. I control my bite and let his heart do the work of pushing his blood out to me. It is slow and wonderous and torturous, an odd contraditction. His blood both soothes and provokes me, my control frays. I have to move back or risk hurting him. He looks confused when I draw back; he had expected me to be clambers from the bed and walks across the room. His steps are uneven and shaky; I cannot help but be a little proud of causing that. He returns with two wooden pitchers and offers one. I manage not to snatch it from him and am pleased with myself for doing so. The wood hits my teeth when I drink, unable to keep up such control.

"You're meant to use a glass," he laughs at me again; I am too distracted to care. I drop the pitcher when it is empty and look at him for the second, he hands it to me and I drain it in the same manner I did the first. When I am done he takes it from me gently. He is shaking again.

"Raziel," I sound almost like myself again despite the fact I am still ravenous. I am glad my voice sounds a little more normal, he looks at me when I speak and that look brings an uncomfortable lump to my throat.

"You're awake," his voice is rough as mine was. I do not mock him for stating the obvious for a third time as he seems somewhat fragile at the moment. Not knowing what else to do I reach out to him and lay a hand on his leg.

"I told you I would."

"But you slept for so long," he says quietly. "I didn't think you would, then you didn't …for so long." He is staring at his hands in his lap and my hand on his leg. Foolish child, I told him I would waken in a few weeks, why did he have to get himself so worked up?

"You are an idiot child," I said as softly as I can manage. "I told you I would waken, I told you not to worry yourself. This is simply what we do." He nods but says nothing. "Did you torment yourself the enire time?" I cannot help the note of anger in my voice. He nods again and I sigh, my patcience running threadbare thin. He stops looking upset and glares at me.

"I couldn't leave you here alone in such a way," his tone is angry, I smirk, it is rather pleasing that he would stand guard over me. "Should you not have wanted it then you should have said," he stands still shaking despite his snappish words. He starts to walk away, I twist myself round, putting bare feet on the cold floor and grab at his wrist, my grip far weaker than it should be.

"Hush child," I pull him back "I am pleased to have a guard such as you. I merely dislike that you have made yourself sick over something that is nothing to be concerned over."

"Two months unbroken sleep is something to worry about," he said coming back to me, he kneels on the floor beside the bed and rests his head against my legs. "You made it sound like it would be shorter."

"Two months?" I try not to laugh. "Two months is not so long for this. I once knew a vampire who slept for six and heard rumor of long sleeps still," he looks incredulous. "My friend woke with talons in place of his hands and he could weild flames like they were a sword whereas before his sleep he could not."

"The torpor brings such gifts?" He looks at me properly then, assessing me and I cannot help but do the same. It seems I have come out of this evolution with only little changes. My claws are harder than before, my skin slightly paler and thicker, and my hair seems to have grown an inch. It is on the whole unimpressive. But I am glad, for larger changes take longer and I feel from looking at my first born that if I had remained asleep much longer then he may have lost his mind.

"It can do if one is not so impatcient," I chide him softly. But I am not truely angry. My stomach makes itself known again and I roll my eyes trying to make little of it. It does not do to flaunt weakness.

"You are still hungry," he smiles at me and I nod. No doubt I will continue to be hungry for a few nights.

"I need to eat," I admit. "I need to hunt."

"Can you?" Raziels words are teasing, I clip him across his head and stand. My legs protest their use after two months of sleep. But a good bout of exercise will see them right again. Raziel hovers next to me as if afraid I will fall. I huff at him and nudge him away when he gets to close. While it is endearing that he is obviously concerned it will not do for him to see me as weak. Even Raziel must, on occassion, be shown that I am still master. I walk to a cupboard and pull out clothing. I manage to dress without issue and run claws through my hair. It is a meger effort to look better but I cannot be bothered with more care now. It is dawn and so doubtful any would notice me. I look to my child and hold out a hand.

"Come," I can feel the bloodlust pulling at me, urging me to pull him to me and drain him till he fights to get away. But I am not so crule, at least not to him. "Hunt with me," he looks like he needs a good meal as much as I do. He grins and follows me.

The forest was cool and a little damp. The dawns frost covers the ground but the wind is stopped by the trees. Raziel remains a few steps behind me; I can feel his eyes on my back. He has not once looked at the path; I am surprised he had not walked into trees. It seems I will have to hunt for both of us this evening. I cannot say that I mind, my body is thrumming with strained energy. My senses overly sharp; there is life in this forest, plants, animals and mortals. I can feel everything, vampiric senses are always sharp but mine are even more so due to my starved state. My body is still shaking although not with hunger but with tension. I feel I will break apart should I not do something soon. Fortunately it does not take long for the wind to come bearing scents of mortal flesh. Without a conscious thought I am moving faster. Something is growling and it takes me a minute to realise that it is me. I stop myself and try to regain some dignity aware that Raziel is still behind me. I am master of this land not a raving animal. I move again picking up speed the further I travel. Raziel is falling further behind me, the boy is fast but I am faster. The scent is strong now, the intended prey close. My hands are suddenly warm; glancing down at them I see blood, looking behind me I see the body. A man lies in the path, his chest shredded. Another in front of me is fleeing. I chase without thought and dig my claws into his back. I cannot help but laugh at the exhileration. The stink of blood fills the air and I am happy.

There were six mortals in the little group I found. I left some for Raziel but by the time he arrived I was already restless, wanting to find more. Raziel looks at me, his expression carefully neutral, I frown, why on Nosgoth would he look at me in such a way. His hands are lifted and open showing that he has no weapon. It clicks then that he is afraid of me. I sigh slightly irritated and gesture to the ones I have left for him.

"Eat child," the gesture and the fact I am speaking reassure him that I have not lost myself to the bloodlust. He bows his head in thanks and takes what I have offered. I watch him eat and feel my bloodlust calm. He looks healthier already and I cannot help but admire him as his skin takes on the slightly healthier tone of a vampire and loses the corpse like look. He feels me watching and smirks biting down into his second meal. I smirk wider when I realise the little bastard is posing, standing in such a way so as to deliberately entice. My libido reminds me that we have been inactive for far too long. The pose is a clear invitation and I have never been one to refuse things offered willingly. At least not normally. But my stomach makes itself known yet again as I take a step towards him. I growl at myself and sniff at the air. I cannot smell anything over the blood and him. Raziel stops his feed and looks at me, no doubt confused as to why I have not grabbed him yet.

"Kain," his voice is deliberately low. I glare at him and he smirks. Bastard. He holds out the corpse and it takes all of my will power not to pull the blood from it from where I stand but he needs to eat. So I shake my head and turn, I spare a lasting glance at him before bolting into the forest, searching other prey.

I hope he will follow but once I am moving I refuse to look behind me. I can hear nothing over the blood in my ears. Fortunatly I can smell more mortal's, they hunt more openly in the dawn knowing that the majority of their predators are all abed. I force myself to stop thinking on my damned fledgling and his damned posing. I tell my libido to shut the hell up so I can eat and force all my attention into the second group of mortals. It is bigger than the first, eight instead of six. But it is as easy as the first to dispatch. They do not expect an attack at this time and certainly not an attack from me. I am lounging under a tree digesting my meal when Raziel reappers. Again I have saved him a couple of mortals and guesture lazily at them. He smiles and drinks his fill before sitting with me.

"I could get used to you hunting for me again," he smirks. "it is rather nice to be fed by ones sire." I am feeling rather content myself, my stomach full for the moment, and the lazy feeling of being somewhat bloated setteling on me. Add to that my favoured son curling next to me and I am inclined not to move. I yawn and he laughs. "You cannot be tired," he teases me. I clip him across the head again.

"Whelp," I grumble.

"You've slept for two months, you cannot be tired," he presses sounding petulant. I open an eye at him and admire the pout. "I've been all alone for two months, you cannot go to sleep."

"I bloody well can," I smirk deliberately ignoring his intention.

"Comfort me," he leans up and nuzzles at my jaw line causing all the small hairs on my body to stand to attention. "Please," there is something about that word coming from him. It is the most wonderful word when uttered by Raziel, especally when he is asking for sex. Every time he says it I find it almost impossible to say no, he knows that and uses it relentlessly. Bastard. I pull him onto me, I am taller and broader than he is.

I cradled the back of his neck and run my other hand down his back. He makes a quiet sound against me and his claws dig into my chest and side. I could feel him against me, hard and eager. His hands pull free of my chest and side and dig into my shoulders, using them to drag himself up my body. My stomach tightens as do other parts and I feel him chuckle against me. Smug bastard. In revenge I shift, putting a foot down flat on the ground to give myself more leverage, my hands release their hold before grabbing ahold of his backside and simultantiously pushing up with my own body and pressing his down onto me. Both of us groan at that and he bites me, teeth breaking through my bottom lip.

"Kain," he manages eyes squeezed shut as he pulls back. I win. Ha.

"Raziel," I croon at him letting him hear my victory on my voice. He opens his eyes then and looks irritated.

"Please," his voice is small, pleading and goes straight to my groin. My hind brain makes the decision to teleport us back to the sanctuary before my front brain has regisetered anything beyond 'please'. Raziel looks increadably smug when we are suddenly surrounded by sheets. I think that means I lose.

Revenge will be fun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Moths**

Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal Dynamics not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Vorador . . . then he'd be mine.

Warning: this fic contains **YAOI** (GuyXGuy), blood play and a lemon, if this offends or upsets you do not read this, it's that simple.

Rating: M

Pairing: Kain/Raziel

Setting: post Blood omen 2 pre Soul Reaver one. In the time of the clans.

Authoress note: In which Raziel confronts the vampiric change for the first time.

* \/ * /\ * \/ * /\ *

**Chapter Two**

{Raziel}

_**Six months later. **_

It was warm again, the rains have come and when they came they brought heat with them. A muggy, suffocating heat, that made breathing uncomfortable and movement an effort. The air, muggy from the outside evening, came into the room from the open window, a damp condensation settled on some of the cooler surfaces. I woke slowly and brushed a few damp strands of hair from my eyes. I disliked this weather as did every vampire in Nosgoth, but there was little to be done but endure. So I had decided to endure the season in relative comfort, accidentally getting myself into the sanctuary just at the start of the rainy season then declaring it too dangerous to return to my clan grounds. I did not worry for my few children; they are independent creatures that dislike being told exactly what to do all of the time. It is often best to give them guidelines rather than orders. They caused me little trouble and would no doubt be fine while I hid myself away in the sanctuary. This is a common tactic of mine, one my father is more than able to userp with the simple act of teleporting me back to my clan. But when every rainy season comes Kain mysteriously forgets how to teleport. Funny that.

I blink a few times to clear the sleep from my eyes and find my vision coming into focus on the back of Kain's head. I yawn and glance at the window, there is still light coming in so I can return to sleep should I choose. Normally I am an early riser and enjoy being so. But today I am tired, my body feels heavy and hungry. I contemplate getting up in search of food but sleep sounds better and easier. So I bury myself back under thin sheets and press my nose into the back of Kain's head, and get buried in his hair. It tickles my nose, making me squirm. Kain groans at me and an arm hurtels back colliding with my stomach in a sleepy fit of pique. I take the hint and stop squirming, Kain mumbles something, God knows what, and settles. But his movement makes his damned hair move across my face. I sneeze and suddenly find myself staring into sleepy golden eyes.

"You couldn't just stay asleep could you?" Kain mumbles rolling onto his back and throwing an arm over his eyes. He is always such fun in the mornings, slow and relaxed. My body still feels heavy and lethargic but I don't care as another part of my body has decided it is very much awake. I smirk at my father and stretch rather deliberately pressing myself along his side. Kain does nothing. I stretch again this time making a contented stretching groan. Kain still does nothing so I poke him. "Leave me be hellion," I most certainly am not a hellion. Deciding some retaliation is in order I sit up and collapse back down across his chest. Many would be surprised to know that he can be a rather comfortable pillow and normally has no objection to me using him as such. But today I lie down with more force than usual. Kain groans, possibly admitting defeat. I am pleased when clawed hands grip my hips and lift me so I am sprawled atop him like a blanket. The hands stay on my hips holding me in place.

"I am not a hellion," I grin at him, sleep well and truely forgotten now. Kain grumbled something and closed his eyes, for all the world appearing to go back to sleep. Lazy bum. I huff and his facade of sleep is somewhat ruined when he smirks at my huff. I lean up and kiss him. I mean it to be quick, honest. It is ment more in play than anything serious but as often happens with my father I find myself becoming much more engrossed than I mean to. The kiss becomes hard when Kain's hand settles on the back of my head, holding me in place. I relax knowing better than to fight for dominance; and after a moment my submission had its desired effect. A low rumble in Kain's chest and the pleased sound escaped into the kiss. I smirked as much as I am able, Kain may be able to twist me into an overly sensitive mass of hormones but I am not with out my own tricks. I purr lightly into the kiss and pressed back a little harder. Abruptly I am dumped onto my back, Kain above me. I cannot help but let my smirk widen as I wrap legs around his waist.

**SCENE CUT DUE TO RESTRICTIONS VIST MY OTHER SITES FOR UNEDITED VERSION**

I come too crushed beneath him, I cannot remember the last time I lost consciousness during sex, it takes a lot for me to lose control that badly, last time Kain had tormented me for what felt like an age, bringing me close only to deny me, then pushing me over with such force that my body had to shut down. I can feel him breathing against my back and stop worrying, it doesn't matter why it was so intense. The fact that it was intense was a good thing. My body aches pleasantly and it isn't until I try to move that I relaise something is wrong. I can move but it's such an effort. I can barely keep my eyes open and everything hurts. I ache more than I can ever remember aching before and I ache everywhere.

"Raziel?" Kain calls my name but he sounds far away. I know something is wrong but the feeling of panic that flares in me is too much effort to keep up.

"Kain," I yawn and nuzzle against his arm. My voice sounds unusual, slurred and quiet. "I feel really tired."

"It takes more than a quick fuck to tire you out," Kain's words are soft, like he is worried. He rolls off of me and I can breathe easier.

"I'm hungry," I yawn again, my stomach growls. Gentle hands lift me, I blink a few times to clear my vision and smile when I find myself face to face with the crock of Kain's throat. I take a deep breath through my nose, he smells wonderful, like earth and blood and now sex. I bite down harder than I meant to, the blood comes quickly and I almost choke, but I manage to regain control of the bite and slow it down. When I pull back Kain's moved us so I'm sprawled across him. It's amazingly comfortable and I would rather avoid moving.

"You'll be fine," Kain's voice is knowing, "but you should sleep now." I feel content, safe. Something may well be wrong with me but Kain knws what it is and he will fix it. I have nothing to worry about, so I sleep.

I wake slowly, my body fighting to stay asleep. I feel as if I had only just laid down to rest. My body is burning, but goosebumps have settled over my arms and I shiver as I wake. I try to roll over but my back feels like my spine is a solid iron bar, unbending. I let out a low groan and open my eyes slowly. The room comes into focus very slowly, it is dark outside and the window is open, the air is cooler than I had expected but the muggy scent of the rainy season still remains strong. There is a dim light coming from the desk and I blink several times willing it to come into focus. Kain is sat at the desk watching me over the rim of a thick tome that he lowers and rests in his lap. There is a half full pitcher next to him and his hands are smudged with ink.

"How long did I sleep?" I ask, my voice rough and dry.

"Just two days," Kain puts the tome down, the scent of dust is strong when the book is moved. My eyes go wide at his words, two days, two whole days without waking. I should be energetic now but all I want is to return to sleep, although food would not go amiss. "How do you feel?" Kain asks standing and moving closer until he is kneeling by the bed.

"Tired and sore," I admit "my limbs are heavy."

"You will change soon," Kain's voice is calm, "do not be frightened, you will be fine, when you wake the pain will be gone."

"Change?" I ask struggling to pull in enough breath for the word. "You mean like you did?" a note of panic creeps into my voice and I hate it. I sound like a coward. But I cannot help my next question. "But what if I don't wake up?" I struggled to sit up but a strong hand on my shoulder kept me down.

"Calm down," Kain's expression and voice are soft, he is quiet for a moment before speaking, "we are as moths Raziel, but where they only change once we change many, many times."

"But what if I don't …" I swallowed hard, a sudden pain gripping my insides in a fist of fire.

"You have nothing to fear I will watch you," Kain runs a hand over my hair. The guesture is familiar and comforting. "Come here," Kain moves, lifting me in one arm as if I weigh nothing at all, he holds me to his side, he is so much cooler than I am. "You must be strong for this." With his free hand Kain cuts into his throat, painting my lips with his blood before pulling me to the wound.

My stomach growls fiercly and I latch onto him, every swallow lessens the pain. The wound closed quickly and I pull back but Kain puts pressure on my head and holds me to him. "More." His voice is firm. I bite down and continue to feed. I have fed from him many times over the years but always in short bursts, never as long as I do now. Twice more the bites I made closed over and twice more Kain bids me bite again. I can feel his heart slow in his chest and when he eventually pulls me back he is paler than I have ever seen him. He puts me down and stands. He smils at me and I feel safe again.

"You will sleep now and when you wake you will be stronger," Kain's lips are the same colour as the rest of him, all dark tint gone. "We will hunt together, then we will return here." He stops speaking but his eyes smoulder and I smile back at the dark promise, remembering what had transpiered when we had returned after he had woken from torpor.

But despite the seeming confidence Kain has in my waking I can't fight my fear completely. I feet as if all mybeing strength is pulled from me, I can hardly move myself even now after two days of sleep and the deepest feed from Kain that I have had had since I was a true fledgling. My eyes are still closing. I do not want to die. I want to live, I want to hunt, to run in the forest chasing down hapless mortals, I want to touch. Struggling I lift my arm trying to touch Kain but I lose my strength when my hand is only a few inches up from the sheet. My hand falls but Kain catches it and smirks, smug bastard.

"If I die," I say quietly "I will haunt you." My words are meant to be light but fear is strong in my voice and the attempt at humour dies when I grip Kain's hand as hard as I can manage, my eyes close. I desperately try to speak but the words die as I lose my grip on consciousnesses and my grip fades leaving shallow cuts on kain's hand.

"Foolish child," I hear Kain say "you are already dead," then all is dark.

It takes me a while to realise I am dreaming. I hate it when I know I am dreaming. I have heard others speak of knowing when they dream and being able to control it, they can fly if they choose to, or swim down into the darkest ocean and not be burnt by the water. But I find I have no such control over my dreams. Instead I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. Able to see and hear what is happening in the dream but not influence it in any way. Rahab has listened to me speak on this topic before and had in his infinite boredom and slight pity for his disgruntled older sibling, has done some research on the subject. He found a great many books relating to the idea of visions and was determind this is what I suffer from. It was the only alternative that Rahab could come up with, the idea that perhaps I did not dream but instead had visions of the future or past or even the present. The idea that what I was seeing was a visin of the future and not my minds ravings unsetteled me more than the idea of lucid dreaming.

This dream is cold. Unusually cold, and instantly I hate it. It is dark and for some unknown reason I have the feeling I am in water. It is odd as I am not burning but somehow I can tell I am immersed in water. I am able to see something, but I cannot make sense of it. It is immense and it moves, i know then that it is something alive and concious. It is an animal. A great foul creature of many limbs but I cannot see it's body, only a collection of it's limbs. I do not know why but at the sight of it a great cold dread fills me. This thing, this creature makes me sick to my stomach.

I watch the creature for a moment waiting for it to speak. Can it even speak? I almost leap from my skin when the soul reaver comes down hard and fast on a limb next to my right. I let out a sound that I will never admit to and take a few rapid steps back. Blinking at the sight before me I am confused. The man before me is clearly a vampire, but like none I have seen. I stare for a moment before my stomach drops. It is Kain, his hair is longer and bound back, his skin has changed from pearl white to a tarnished greenish gold, his hands are talons and he is bloody huge. I swallow trying to make sense of what I am seeing. It is my father before me and he is furious. Furious at the monster. The Soul Reaver comes down time and time again, slicking through blubbery flesh sending blood and hunks of the creature into the air. I do not think i have ever seen him in such a rage before. It is horrifying and yet i cannot look away.

The monster is not idel in this fight however and this strange Kain takes many blows. But the battle does not last long. The ground shakes and the building around us crumbles and starts to collapse. Kain stops attacking and speaks. But I cannot hear him. He snarls at the monster and vanishes upwards and I feel myself pulled upwards along with my father for which I am grateful, I do not want to remain with that monster as it is buried alive. For it still lives, it moves and writhes as the building crumbles. What kind of monster could withstand such an attack from my father and his blade. It must be unbelieveably tenatious to still draw breath.

Looking away from the monster I see paintings on the walls, strange ones and I am even more confused, where the hell are we? Kain turned to leave and I follow. We walk for a time down a long corridor and over stones covered with snow and into another building, this place is strange, like one of the clan holdings but not one I recognised. It is a citadel, perhaps. We enter a new building, Kain sliding through the bars in a mist form and I simply walking through them, this is my dream after all. We walk up stairs and into a large, bare circular room.

"This place is really boring," I grumble. Kain walks to a giant hole in the wall and I cannot help but wonder if he made that hole. He is rather good at smashing things. I follow him and stop as i catch sight of something very wrong. "What are the . . .wait," the broken pillars are not far away, but there was no sanctuary, the land is green and there are tiny birds in the sky, not the usual scavenger ravens I was so used to. The pillars are smoking. We ...we are in Nosgoth's past? I look at my alien father and cannot make sense of it. The pillars are newly destroyed in the distance, Kain is not Kain, but some ancient beast who fights unbelieveable monsters in unknown citidels. I have no understanding of any of this.

"I hope you understand this, because I have no clue," I say to my father, watching as he stops by the hole in the wall.

Kain sits and briefly I look around wondering why Kain would have to fight such a monster alone, surely I would not have let my father do something so foolish by himself. Where am I or rather where is the me who should be here with him? A sharp clang snaps me out of my wonderings as the reaver falls to the floor. Kain's reaction surprises me, I have seen Kain drop the damn thing many times, never before had Kain looked so appalled with himself, you would have thought he had dropped a babe.

"Come Raziel," Kain says softly lifting the blade, I look around again for myself, I must be here if he speaks to me. But there is no one else here but myself and my strange father. "We'll have to do something, I suppose," and with those words my father erupts in a cloud of bats and flees the ruined building, leaving me behind.

Darkness swallows me and I am glad that was just too confusing.

"Raziel?" there is movement beside me; someone is pulling at my hair "Raziel?"

"Leave him be," the slightly amused voice of my father mutters

"But he moved!" the first voice muttered "oi!" I feel myself get hit and I recognise Turel's voice. Typical, just typical, I was nice and warm, and comfortable, the scent of Kain is strong and I dimly remember falling asleep at the sanctuary; so I guess I am in Kain's bed and here is Turel, here to ruin it all. I don't think I will ever get over the idea that my younger sibling was born simply to ruin my life.

"I brought you here to tech you, not to let you poke your brother," Kain chids but he doesn't sound interested.

"I am not poking him father," Turel says "I am investigating." I can almost hear Kain glare at Turel; I know the exact expression Kain would have, one of mild disinterest and impatience. I hear Kain sigh and something heavy is put down. The bed moves and I assume that Turel had stood up.

"Do you understand? Kain asks quietly

"I think so father," Turel answers not sounding cocky anymore, "but it does seem unsettling that we would do such a thing." I heard movement and the soft sound of claws in hair.

"Do not worry child," Kain's voice is soft "I will come to you when it is your time to change," the '_I will look after you,_' went unspoken. There is a quiet muttering and the sound of movement, then I heard the door close and I risked opening my eyes. They are heavy and my vision is poor.

"Fa . . ." I try to speak but my voice is ruined from the long sleep.

"You're not truly dead then," Kain smirks at me and comes to the bed. "See you should listen to me more, I told you that you would survive."

Briefly I see a flash of my dream, in the strange Nosgoth, of past greenery but evolved vampires and my absence and wonder if I really will survive.


End file.
